Painful to Let Go


I was told that time heals all wounds and time just makes things a little easier to bear. But the truth is that I still cry myself to sleep thinking of you, I still dream of you. I get dressed every day and put my makeup on in case we see each other. I still look out the window, hoping you will drive up to the house. There are times, too, when I believe I must be crazy to want you back. You were not there for me many times.

You have hurt me in countless ways, in ways you promised you never would.

What has hurt me more than I ever had warning for was the night I called you from the accident scene. I was scared and I needed you. For a countless number of times, I was there when you needed me and it seemed fair that you would be there for me, too. As I waited on that hospital bed, I thought you would show up. But you didn't. You didn't even call for days. I have never felt so scared, lost, and alone as I did that night. I wish I knew why, I wish I could understand why you didn't come.

Strange as it seems even to me, I still care for you. I do know, however, that I have to let go and that is what I am doing.