Hopeless Expectation


It's been a long time since you've heard from me. Although we see each other every day, I can say that things are different now. The atmosphere is cold, as if we don't have something in common anymore. It's been so hard for me to accept that we're living separate lives now, looking at things as if we're strangers. The pain that you brought me is not easy to forget. Every day I'm hurting, but trying to survive.

Sometimes it's easier because I didn't think about you all day, or maybe I did, but chose to ignore the thoughts. Little by little, I'm beginning to learn how to love myself and not think about you. Sometimes I still feel emotion and think about the past and the good memories we had, even if I knew that it would make me feel worse.

My environment, especially in the office, has not been helpful for me at all. It's painful to see you, day in and day out. Sometimes I want to quit and start a new life far away from you, but it's hard. Just the thought of not being able to see you makes me weak. I know it's not healthy, but it's my way of trying to be happy.

Every day, I'm waiting for signs, which usually leaves me with hopeless expectations. Every move and every action you make, I interpret. I'm like a fool watching you every moment and so desperate for you to notice my existence. A simple smile makes me happy. A short conversation makes my whole day brighter. I need you to ease my aching heart, and it doesn't take much to keep me going.

I'm still not over you. Even if I repeat 1000 times that I am over you, I know deep in my heart that I'm not. I'm still waiting and wanting to be with you again. I still want you back!