Sorry We Didn't Agree. (But Can We Kiss and Make Up?)

Sample Letter #1

Well, the inevitable has happened--we had our first real disagreement. But then, all fertile land needs a little thunder and lightning to produce the rain needed for growth (that's a wise old saying I just made up). At any rate, we made the classic blunder of talking about politics when we didn't know the other person's position on the issue. Remember the two areas of discussion that judicious Americans try to avoid--politics and religion? Now we know why. Perhaps, if one political party were not pulling against the other, we wouldn't have a proper balance in American affairs and things would be a lot worse. But we need to stay out of the fight because when it comes to the basic principles of right and wrong, I believe we're both on the same side, anyway. We just need to avoid labeling the "right" way of thinking as the exclusive property of any one political party or candidate.

In any case, after I thought about it, I could see there were issues we both agreed on that were lost in the fervor of our "discussion." For example, I certainly agree with you that the loss of American lives in the war is a great tragedy and I want to see an end to the conflict as much as you do. The truth of the matter is that neither one of us will have any say in how or when that comes about, so there's really no use in causing tension between us by debating issues that neither one of us can really influence.

We only have power here in our own little world, where we are the Senate and the Congress and can call all the shots. Fortunately, we usually agree on matters that directly concern us, both big and small. Anyway, I think it's an inevitable aspect of human nature that we will always have occasional disagreements, but that is as it should be. We don't want a king or queen dominating this relationship--we're better off with two equal partners, like the two-magistrate consul that ruled the ancient republic of Rome (yes, I'm studying World History this semester). So please, tell me your thoughts, your wishes, your differences of opinion. Let's create a balance of power that will help us think new thoughts and that will stretch our minds and spirits into areas we would never discover alone.

Before we begin again, though, please accept my apology if I was abrasive or rude to you when our war of words began to intensify. You already know that I have a strong personality--but that is why I was attracted to an independent thinker like you in the first place! I'm afraid now you also know my natural passion has a negative side as well. If you consider my good record, however, my behavior yesterday was, as they say, "only a blip on the radar."

Now I will tell you the best part of having a disagreement--the next step is for the offended parties to make up! I'm sure you will respect this time-honored American custom! How about if we begin by going out to Tony Roma's and having those baby-back ribs again? My treat. We could start the evening there, catch a movie, and then, perhaps, we could consider (as a consul) what should be next on our "making up" agenda.

I'm anxious to see you again. I'll call on Friday to see if you are ready to see me again, too.

Sample Letter #2

I'm really sorry that things kind of got out of hand the other night. Even though we feel very differently about the importance of budgeting and putting away money for a rainy day, I don't think it's something that should get between us. There are plenty of things that we do agree on, even when it comes to finances. I'm really glad that we see eye to eye on the importance of working hard, for example. It's more important to me that I know that with you I'll never have to worry if you'll pull your own weight when it comes to earning a living. You have such a strong work ethic (even if you do spend money as fast as you earn it) and that means so much to me.

You know I have strong opinions about some things (and express them stronger than I realize sometimes), but we rarely have disagreements like that one. We have always talked things out in the past, and I feel bad that we left things as we did. But maybe we really did just need the time to cool off. I think it is normal, even healthy, that we have different ideas about things--think how boring it would be if we always thought the same about everything! As they say, variety is the spice of life. We just need to remember to keep things in perspective, and not to take things too seriously.

In any case, I apologize for anything that I said that offended you. I didn't mean it. I know that you really do understand my need for financial security. I love you, and that is the only thing that really matters. Everything else, big and small, will work itself out in time as long as we are willing to give our relationship our best efforts. Matt, thank you for being so good to me, and for being so patient with me. It means so much to me, and I love you for it.

How about coming over to my place Friday for dinner? I'll make your favorite--chicken parmesan--and we can have that spinach salad that you like so much. Hot-from-the-oven French bread is always good, too, and dessert is negotiable!

Sample Letter #3

I was caught off guard. I'm sorry it happened. Disagreements always give me a dull, dark feeling. I rehearsed the conversation over and over in my mind, but all I am left with is wishing it had never happened at all. Well, now we know something about each other--we each have passionate political agendas. My mother has always told me that politics is one of the two BIG subjects to avoid--that and religion!

In all the rehashing, however, I stepped away with an appreciation of your views on parental rights. You challenged me to read that article is Newsweek, and you were right. Legislation is the obvious answer. I hope we can chalk up the rest to differing opinions, which we have seldom had in the past. In fact, I think our views are remarkably in agreement and we share many interests in common--probably many more than most couples do. For example, we love the same kinds of food, nostalgic movies, songs from the '60s, and outdoor sports. I've really never met anyone who is so much like me in so many ways. Let's please consider the point of this disagreement the exception and not the rule.

Which brings me to my remarks: Clearly, I made my point badly. Somehow I let emotion dictate my vocabulary. I surprised (and mortified) myself by saying things that I have wished I could take back. I've learned this valuable lesson: no matter how strongly I may feel about a subject, I feel more strongly about you--and I believe in us. I know we can get past this and allow each other to have an opposing opinion. That's healthy, isn't it? Maybe we just need to work on the verbalizing part--I know I do.

Please, let's get back to "us." Our disagreement was only that, a disagreement. I apologize for my part. Will you accept that? Will you let me say it in person? We can't allow this to drive a wedge between us. It is a subject, not the subject--we are the subject; our love is the subject. Let's not lose sight of that over some silly politics.

Let's get back together--soon. I hope you won't think this is presumptuous, but with the hope that you would agree to see me again, I have made reservations for dinner at Gino's this Saturday night. And afterwards, I have rented Casa Blanca. Let's curl up on the couch and remember why we enjoy each other's company so much. I'll call you tomorrow. Please say yes.

I love you.

Sample Letter #4

Politics! If that's all we ever disagree about, then I think we're doing okay. I'm sorry about this last disagreement. Looking back now, it seems so silly. We hardly every fight like that! I know that I said some things in anger that I didn't mean and sincerely regretted very quickly. I hope you can forgive me and forget about it. I'm really sorry.

I think that it can be a good thing that we have different opinions on some things. Don't you think it would get boring if we both always thought the same way about a subject? The way I look at it is, at least we feel comfortable enough with each other to be honest and express our true opinions. We usually have great communication; so what if we don't always agree? That's normal and it's bound to happen.

I'm really sorry for the mean things that I said. In the future, let's both try to express ourselves calmly without getting so upset if we disagree because that's when we say things we regret and feelings can get hurt. How about if we have dinner tomorrow night at our favorite Italian bistro and begin to forget about this whole thing?

You know I love you.

Sample Letter #5

I cannot tell you how sad I now feel after our argument. Please forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have been! I wish that I could wash out any spot of unhappiness I have caused you. I know I have said hurtful things. I ask you to forget them, because the truth is that you a great person and I had no right to put you down.

I will call you soon, but in the meantime, please try to forgive me. I am very sorry. Please give me another chance. I love you.

Sample Letter #6

It looks like I have done it again--I upset our relationship and accused you of fooling around. I don't know why I get so crazy when you talk about your co-workers, but I do. I try to control my anger, but it goes out of control without my even thinking about what I am doing or saying.

You tell me that these are people you have to work with, and that you are only being pleasant, but it seems that you enjoy these other people too much; I know that is not a fair assessment, but that is the way it seems to me. I guess I am over-reacting, and I am sorry.

No matter what, I still love you, and I want to be with you. Please call so that we can talk and get on the right track.

Sample Letter #7

This is hard for me to do because I am not good at saying I am sorry. We were having a lot of fun, and I know that I care for you very much, and I want to go on seeing you and being with you. Now I feel like I just want to start over and forget all of those angry words we both said.

Maybe this is just one of those lovers' quarrels that we hear about. We both said hurtful things. I did not like when you said that I am trying to control you. I was only trying to help you make up your mind about our relationship. I really love you and want to be with you.

If you feel the same way, let us make up and try to put this behind us.

I will call you unless I receive an email saying that you don't want to hear from me. I hope you do want to get together and make up.

Love and kisses.

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